What scares you in your life? Do you ever feel like fear is holding you hostage in a place where you don’t want to be? I think most people are afraid of something…even if it’s something small, like tiny spider small. And even though it will be something different for all of us, that fear can translate into panic or dread. Just watch the reaction of an individual who has a fear of snakes if they happen to run into one. If you are like me, (I have no fear of snakes…or any reptiles for that matter), watching a person flip a lid over a creature that has no arms, no legs, and just wants to get away from you as quickly as possible, makes no rational sense to me. But believe me…I am not judging. I absolutely have fears and worries that are irrational and at times hold me hostage.
So what am I afraid of? Turns out, kind of a lot. But right now I am going to talk about my fear of change. This is something that I have dealt with for years. I wish I was the person who could claim that they adapt easily to a changing environment. But that would mostly be a lie. I am a creature of habit. I crave routine. I do not like surprises in my day. I am a list maker and planner. I am not spontaneous. I worry. I think about the “what ifs”. I will continue down a path that I am not happy with, even if there might be something better waiting on a different one, just because I already know it. That is not rational. My husband thinks that’s crazy. That this life is too short for that. And he’s right. Life is way too short for living in a way that is not bringing you happiness. This is what we would tell anyone that we care about. But saying the words is easy. Taking action, not so much. Hence the phrase, “easier said than done.”
I think if you stop and reflect on the underlying reasons why a person might have fear and anxiety when it comes to life changes, it’s probably not the change itself at all. I think it’s actually fear of the unknown. Let’s be honest, if we were given an option for a life change, (new job, moving, relationship, etc.), and the outcome was guaranteed to be awesome and bring more happiness into our life, there would be no worries or fear in making that change. Too bad there are no guarantees in life, right. And for a person such as myself, who may or may not have some control issues, that’s where the fear and anxiety is actually coming from. What if I choose change and instead of brining me joy, it brings regret, failure, disappointment, and stress. No one wants that outcome. However, the problem with being so resistant to change is that you also might really miss out on something wonderful in life if you never take a different path. And wondering about what might have been can be enough to haunt you as well.
This year has obviously been a year for our history books. With the Covid-19 Pandemic, quarantine, and lockdown, all of our lives have been changed. We had no choice about that. But if I can find anything positive that came out of this disaster, it was the time at home to reflect on what I wanted going forward in my life. That brought me to one of the biggest decisions of my life. I left my job as a barber after 20 years. I still can’t believe I had the courage to make such an enormous change. I had been wanting to do something different for some time now, but was always too afraid to make a move. It took much encouragement from my husband, along with the thought, “if not now, then when?” that I could not get out of my head. So I did it. I faced one of my biggest fears, CHANGE. And you know what? I’m happy. I feel free. I am looking forward to what is next.
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